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[Philip]

Ultimate Confucious Sayings

a.. Man who stand on toilet get high on pot.
b.. Naked man fears no pick pocket.
c.. He who eats too many jelly beans, farts in living color.
d.. It takes square ass to shit brick.
e.. Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
f.. Man who screws near graveyard f***ing near dead.
g.. Boy who plays with himself pulls boner.
h.. He who lives in glass house dresses in the basement.
i.. Woman who bakes beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
j.. Man with tool in woman's mouth, not necessarily a dentist.
k.. War doesn't prove who's right. War determines who's left.
l.. Baseball rules all wrong...Man with four balls cannot walk!
m.. Men who put cream in tart, not always a baker.
n.. Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.
o.. He who let woman on top is fucking up.
p.. People who make Confucious Joke speak bad English.
q.. Man with hands in pocket feels cocky all day.
r.. Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment gets no new key.
s.. Woman who fly upside-down have nasty crack-up.
t.. Woman who goes man's apartment for snack, gets tit-bit.
u.. Man who lay woman on ground, gets piece on earth.
v.. Man who gets kicked in testicels, left holding the bag.
w.. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
x.. Woman who spend much time on bedspring, may have offspring.
y.. Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
z.. Man with holes on pocket feels cocky all day.
aa.. Man who snatch kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
ab.. Man who fights wife all day long gets no piece at night.
ac.. He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
ad.. He who plays with self, pulls boner.
ae.. Boy who go to bed with sex problem, wake up with solution in hand.
af.. Virgin is like balloon; one prick, all gone
ag.. Girl who douches with vinegar walks around with sour puss.
ah.. Girls should not marry basketball players . they dribble before they
shoot.
ai.. Man with athletic finger, make broad jump.
aj.. Man who marry girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
ak.. Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
al.. Baby conceived in back seat of car with automatic transmission, grow
up to be shiftless bastard.
am.. Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed!
an.. Sex on beach is like American beer - fuckin' near water!!!!
ao.. Man walking through swing doors is going to Bankok.
ap.. Crowded elevator always smells different to midget.
aq.. Man who cut fart in church have to sit in own pew.
ar.. Woman who slides down banister makes money shine.
as.. Woman who springs on springs this spring gets off spring next spring.
at.. Dumb man climb trees to get cherry, smart man spread limb.
au.. Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
av.. Girl who marries man named Richard, must kiss Dick.
aw.. Woman with blonde hair may have black hair by cracky.
ax.. Man put in shit-house by wife end up in cat-house.
ay.. Man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake up with smelly fingers.

[Charles Fregeau]

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