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[the unicycle surfer...]

good idle ( rev hard )
+++

laurie anderson
"sweaters"

windows is pickin th music

+++

pulled th diaphram
from th front of th webber carb
and replaced it

had to take off th fuel line

it was loose again

some of where my fuel's been goin

yeah i know

we throw away fossil fuels like crazy


but i can turn th key again
withou stabbin th
throttle

and ralph' startin fist kick
to a good idle

good enough i thinks

+++

"it wont last"
ya get that

more drugs over here
i did a good thing
and i mowed th front lawn

+++


coldplay
"warning sign"

that's th walk home light

last time it went on

i lost th engine



come on man
ford falcon motors are better than this



give ya a heart transplant
from a dreaded taxi


and away we go

+++


dont like taxi's

well

that aint all true
that one helped me

i more generally

play chicken with em
on a unicycle

in th town

late at night



hi guys


+++

is fun
more drugs over here

+++


have a reputation to think of

+++


otherise
they'll stop callin me legend

+++

may be a good thing

where's those fuckin drugs ?

+++


with a unicycle
i dont believe

you should work on a good idle

till ya can ride th thing
get well seated

like nicole kidman
she's well seated

wish my fuckin fuel line was

ah well

it's only money
made round to go around

+++


she's better seated than kylie anyway

+++



i know its prejudice

like i give a fuck

+++



arlo guthrie
"chilling of th evening"

+++

i woke up
and th fuckin cat
has dropped a huge dump

on my brothers bedroom floor
somebody forgot
to put th cat out

and he's taken revenge
big black bastard

i cleaned it up

said a few words to im
when he finally came out of hiding

and cleaned up th mess

i was sleepin off th last couple of days


out in th blazin australian sunshine
with a tummy bug



more gooder today



twelve hours asleep
will do that



+++



will i sing with michael tonight ?

i dont know


+++



owed some money
from another michael
so it's a possibility


+++


george carlin
"i love my dog"

+++


two black dogs in th back yard

i'll mow your lawn tomorrow
ok

+++


feed ya soon

+++


only got

one unicycle

in th car today


jennifer two
has to go into t h workshop tomorrow


sorry
got called away

phone

doin
a sports
survey

no i dont watch much sport

i'm into extreme unicyclin

rather do my own


she laughed
said a few words of apology

then let me go

+++

"her name was jenny"
yeah alright jennifer shut th fuck up

+++



i like being me

+++



i have a lot of fun

+++


'a dog that ate cat turds'

i guess i coulda done that


th
youngun woulda done it


bit gross


+++


decorative shit

+++


dont wave at th cows
they dont wave back

+++

cat stevens
"sad lisa"

+++


"let's kill her"

+++



sorry


+++


"well she wouldnt be sad anymore"

id rather give her an oustanding orgasm

+++

that make ya smile

pretty lady ?

+++


how do ya make a pretty lady smile ?


"im sorry, there's only one place"
"that sells condoms large enough"
"and it's closed"


+++

how's that gunna make her smile ?

+++


"you'll fuck another one"
not in ten months


"they dirty dance in front of ya singin"
"ya mad bastard"

got a unicycle makin my crutch numb
and well stoned and pissed

bring it on

+++


city high
"sista"


says
"so many things"

its wrong


+++


dont like hurtin pretty ladies
how do ya say ?


dont wanna go home with ya

no way


unicycle
looks after my nuts better

better to be just

really really stoned


too out of it


+++


dont get me wrong

th first six months

can be heaven


just dnt like

sleepin in a bed
with a woman i cant fuck

and i fall in love too easy
and move in th next day

at her insistence


lived with seven


believe
me


you'll get less pain this way
and me as well

you dance nice

+++



good charlotte
"Change"

+++


pls not again
ten months approaches

+++



little brother and i

talkin abot life
and sex


th other day

laughin at ourselves


will number eight happen ?



would i give up my freedom again ?



look out th window
jump in th car


drive 300 kilometres

to go ride a beach

on a unicycle


tell no-one

ask no-one



just do it



ya interfere with my surfing


fuck off

+++



jane


i lived with jane

threw me out last xmas



she'd only let me out

for like

an hour and a half

to ride a unicycle thru th crowd


and singin was




kinda not encouraged


except


at dusk


at home




+++




i know why i left finally

+++

bill hicks
"easter"

+++

jane and i

holidayed at easter that year

at poonah beach



screwin on th sand
daylight

hardly any ppl


nice memories
ya crazy redheaded irish bitch

+++

regurgitator
"doorselfin"

+++


when i finally broke up with jane

i had to dump morticia too


knew about each other

but th communication was zero


cept th time

morticia had a friend
ring
and pretend to be an indy chick after my body


so id come fuck er



i'll cum for a coffee soon
a date


wanna crack my

ten month

barrier



then i can get bored again
and go do somethin else

like write that fuckin computer program

+++


k's choice
"im not an addict"

+++

yes i am
bring on th drugs


i can produce doctors

say i smoke it medicinally
for my nads

so i can get on th unicycle
for my pain management program

but im still an addict
so fuckin what

it makes my life

tolerable



go and get fucked


+++



might see ya tonight frannie
kick th speed lady
stay off it

pls

i love you


+++


remember when
we'd do cones

in my bathroom


while i sat in th bath

gettin rid of my pain

with a fuckin gorgeous chick

sittin there



waitin

cause she wants to go out


well ya could fuck me

would be quicker


you fuckin wait then
if you;re my friend


stop lookin at my dick


i have enough trouble
contemplatin it comin offf

so i dont have to do this

sit in th bath

gettin stoned
so i can take you and i

for a drive

to our dealer


+++


im not getin em cut off now frannie
id have to wear a shirt all th time

dont talk at me like that
i'll bite back


im not a submissive
future female anymore


th pot and th unicycle
and no fuckin girlfriend
makes life tolerable


you fucked that redhead
jeez


how many chicks you screwin now ?
yeah been there

i told ya

emotions are fucked things


haha
you;re screwin a guy now too

you wont taste as good
i know at least one chick
who wont go down on ya now


not even eatin pineapple would bring her back
yeah i'll stay for dinner

im out of here after that

go and be th wizard for a while


<<< smile >>>

i tell ya about that chick ?
rubbin legs with me
in th buskers jam, at dawn
in th fortitude valley mall

well you told me about that fuckin blonde
and that chick and



yeah ok


we go for a swim soon

beach



dont tell me
pls

which chicks are lookin at my sixpack
or anything else

ok ?


let me be me
and ill do somersaults into th waves

off th unicycle


do ya mind bein looked at
by lots off ppl ?


gotta feel good about yourself
otherwise it hurts too much


now

which beach ?

they're all crowded
it's fuckin hot

second day of summer


which beach
you wanna come and be pretty on ?


+++

sade

"feel no pain"

+++

then i wouldnt be me
pretty lady


then i wouldnt be me


..
..
..

wiz

+++
p.s.

city high

"cats and dogs"

it's actullay

"fifteen'll get ya twenty"

+++

pls

no photographers tonight


been spinnin all week

..
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the unicycle surfer...